For relative of cancer patients
Find your way through the information based on your situation
Dear relative
Standing on the sidelines when someone you love is affected by cancer is one of life’s most difficult tasks. You are an indispensable support, but the role of a relative is also filled with powerlessness, worry, and countless questions.
This guide is written for you.
The purpose is to provide you with an overview and the tools you need, depending on where your loved one is in their journey.
However, I would like to remind you that in order to be there for others, you must also take care of yourself.
1. When you are waiting for a diagnosis
Focus is on managing the uncertainty and being a good support during a tense waiting period.
- Examinations: Understand the scans and tests your loved one must go through, so you can be an informed support.
- General breathing: Simple techniques you can use to find calm within yourself when worries are overwhelming.
- Tapping: A tool to manage your own anxiety and powerlessness during the waiting period.
2. When the diagnosis is new
Focus is on understanding the new reality and helping to create an overview.
- Cancer type: Gain a basic understanding of the disease you are now facing.
- Metastases: Knowledge about what it means if the cancer has spread and what the next steps are.
- Young children: Specific advice for the difficult conversation: Telling the children about the diagnosis.
- Cancer stories for children: Get help explaining the situation to your children or grandchildren here. There are stories for most types of family relationships.
- Evidence vs Experience: An important tool for you, who must now help navigate information and treatment choices.
- Sick leave: There may be a need for you to help prepare a sick leave notification (acording to Danish roles).
3. During the course of treatment
Focus is on practical help, relief of side effects, and holding everyday life together.
- Side effects – minimize: A guide to the most common side effects and what you as a relative can do to help relieve them.
- Diet for specific side effects: Inspiration for food you can prepare that can help with, for example, Nausea and vomiting, Loss of appetite, or Diet, Specific types of cancer.
- Checklist for Chemotherapy / Surgery: Practical checklists so you can help keep track of everything.
- Logbook: Consider tracking symptoms and progress. A powerful tool for doctor consultations and daily life.
- Social relations: Inspiration for managing family dynamics and organizing help from your network.
- Gifts and care: Inspiration for gifts adapted to the patient’s energy levels. Here you will find specific lists of ideas for both those who are bedbound and those who feel up to small activities.
- Quality of life and co-responsibility: The experience of having influence over the outcome of one’s cancer treatment can be highly beneficial. Therefore, it may be appropriate to support your loved one in such initiatives.
- Medication logistics: Help may be needed to manage medication intake. In some cases, this is a major challenge due to the number of pills that must be taken in a specific order and at specific intervals.
4. The time after treatment
Focus is on the new everyday life, late effects, and the ongoing fear of recurrence.
- Late effects (Lymphedema, Chemo brain etc.): Understand the after-effects your loved one may experience, so you can be a better support in the new daily life. (Refer to the specific pages – use the search function).
- Emotions and the fear of recurrence: Tools to manage the anxiety and uncertainty both of you may experience, even after treatment has ended.
- Sadness and depression: A cancer journey is a challenge for the entire family. Be aware of whether measures against depression need to be taken.
- Sexuality and Intimacy: Support and advice for rediscovering intimacy as a couple after a cancer journey.
- Sexual Side Effects: Cancer treatment can give rise to various sexual problems. Read about what can be done.
5. If the cancer returns
Focus is on managing the new shock and navigating advanced treatment options.
- Relapse (recurrence): Understand what a relapse means and what new questions it raises for you.
- Second Opinion: Knowledge about the possibility of getting a new assessment of the proposed treatment plan.
- Experimental treatment: An overview of clinical trials (such as Phase 1 trials), which can be a new possibility for treatment.
- Protocols: Many cancer patients find strength and increased quality of life in following an established protocol, which for many has documented effects.
- Logbook: Consider tracking symptoms and progress. A powerful tool for doctor consultations and daily life.
- Inspiration and strength: Here is a collection of quotes, stories, and thoughts that can offer a moment of calm and perhaps a new perspective.
- Quality of life and co-responsibility: The experience of having influence over the outcome of one’s cancer treatment can be highly beneficial. Therefore, it may be appropriate to support your loved one in such initiatives.
6. When the illness is chronic
Focus is on managing the new shock and navigating advanced treatment options.
- Palliative care: Understand the palliative effort aimed at ensuring the best possible quality of life for both patient and relatives.
- Pain management: Knowledge about how you can support and help ensure effective pain control.
- Worst case: Suggestions on how to ensure that your loved one – under any circumstances – will be in their / your children’s lives in the future.
7. In the final time
Focus is on care, dignity, and preparing a peaceful farewell.
- Caregiver leave: See how to apply for caregiver leave if you wish to care for a loved one (family or friend) at home. (according to Danish law).
- Leaving well: Knowledge about the practical and emotional preparations that can provide peace for both patient and relatives.
- Death doula: This can have great value as an end-of-life assistant in the final period. Both for the dying person and for the relatives.
- Near-death experiences: Readings on spiritual aspects. What awaits us after life. Some have experienced the beyond and return to life strengthened. Without the slightest fear of death. Reading about these has been of decisive importance to me personally.
- Emotions and grief: Support for navigating the grieving process that often starts even before a loss has occurred.
8. Take care of yourself as a relative
Focus is on your own needs. You can only be a strong support if you do not burn out yourself.
- Relatives: The central page about your important role – and the pitfalls you should avoid.
- Responsibility and loss of control: Discussion of the paradox of significant legal responsibility and a lack of health-related responsibility.
- Sleep: Good advice for ensuring your own rest, so you have energy for the long haul.
- Support groups / patient associations: Find community with other relatives who understand exactly what you are going through. (Danish locations)
- Groups and networks for the bereaved (Danish Cancer Society, For adults, find your area (Danish locations))
- Bereavement group list (Danish Cancer Society, For children and young people, find your area)
Conclusion
Being a relative of a cancer patient can feel like a marathon, not a sprint that is quickly over. Remember that the best support you can give comes from a place of surplus energy.
By using the tools mentioned above while also remembering to take care of yourself, you take the best possible care of the person you love. You are not alone.
I wish you all the best. ❤
See also Alternative Treatments – Overview
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What you read on “Jeg har Kræfter” is not a recommendation. Seek professional guidance.